How to Handle A Broken Heart

Relationships are a fact of life. At some point, almost everyone will fall in love with someone, and more often than not, that relationship will somehow end. Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, ending a relationship, especially one that has lasted a long time, is a hard thing to do. Dealing with the aftermath can be even harder, especially in a high school environment. It’s not just realizing that you are no longer with the person; it’s also realizing that your shared dreams and commitments no longer exist. If you’re feeling broken-hearted, here are some steps to take to get yourself adjusted to the single life once again.

First, you should recognize that you’re feeling several different emotions all at once, and that it is perfectly normal. You might feel any combination of sadness, stress, exhaustion, anger, frustration or confusion. You also may be feeling anxiousness about what lies ahead; facing your future with uncertainty is part of a break up, and these feelings will lessen over time. You should also give yourself permission to feel broken-hearted. You need to heal yourself right now, so it’s perfectly normal to not do as well in school or be as great of a friend for a few days. Go ahead – wear your comfiest sweats, indulge in your favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry’s, watch crappy movies, and cry your eyes out. Tell yourself that you can mope around all you want for five days, and then promise yourself that you’ll start to feel better. Giving yourself permission to hurt and then move on gives you control of your feelings – not him.

Another great step for coping with the end of a relationship is to talk about it. Share how you’re feeling with your mom, a friend, or your older sister. Talking out your feelings to someone you trust is like free therapy – you know they’ll listen and may even have their own experience with break-ups to share with you.

Make sure that you ignore your ex for a while. It might seem like it would help to just hear their voice one last time, or send them a text to ask how they’re doing, but it’s really just reopening the wound. You can be friends once you’ve both moved on from the relationship, but until then, it’s a wise idea to delete them as a contact from your cell phone, un-friend them on Facebook, and try to avoid seeing them as much as possible. It’s also a good idea to get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex. That’s right – burn the love letters, rip up the pictures, and trash all those furry stuffed animals and lovey-dovey gifts away. If you absolutely can’t bear to get rid of all those gifts for good, pack up all that stuff you want to keep and ask a friend to store it in her closet for a while, until you’re over the relationship. Make sure to pack up a box of all the things you have lying around that belong to him, like that warm hoodie and the baseball cap hanging off your bedpost. It might be hard to do, but you’d probably be amazed how the clarity of your thoughts improves once you de-clutter your room. Have a friend drop his stuff of at his house for you, so you can avoid the awkward moment.

Make sure that you keep yourself busy. Figure out when it is that you miss your ex the most, and find an activity to distract yourself during that time. If you always talked on the phone before bed, fill that space by talking to a friend. If you’re usually texting each other on the bus ride to school, listen to your iPod instead! (Make a playlist of favorite break-up songs to avoid all the love songs that may pop up on that tiny screen. Try ‘Since U Been Gone’ by Kelly Clarkson, ‘Everything You’re Not’ by Demi Lovato, ‘Picture to Burn’ by Taylor Swift, or ‘My Happy Ending’ by Avril Lavigne.) You can also flirt a little to get your mind off of the heartache. You definitely don’t want to jump into a relationship while you’re still healing from a breakup, but flirting with someone new is a great way to remind yourself that you’ll move on. You can also plan a night out with the girls or guys; it’s a great way to get yourself out there and meet new people, something that you can’t really do when you’re in a relationship.

So stop obsessively checking your phone to see if they’ve called, and silence those voices in your head telling you that you could’ve done this and that differently to make them stay. You might feel like you’ll never be loved the way they loved you, but that’s the way nearly everyone feels after a break-up. Remember that you’ll move on, be a stronger person for going through this, and someday you’ll find someone better!